Underdog Now Available For Hire

What skills does Underdog have anyway?

Times are tough, governments are running the economy into the ground, the whole world seems to have gone mad, and The Daily Beagle isn’t yet financially viable. Moral paid work a day keeps Deep State jobs at bay. Odd jobs and freelance accepted! If you’re not sure, humour me.

How Does It Work?

Simple. You contact me by email to this newsletter, Substack chat, or leave a comment, we discuss everything from job to budget, I say ‘yay’ or ‘nay’.

If I say ‘yay’ I work on it until the task is completed (or if I find the task cannot be completed to an acceptable level, no charge). I then offer the completed task in exchange for payment for the agreed amount at a supplied payment link. This system is flexible.

Like Fiverr, minus the middleman, and with flexibility on budget. Do be aware, I am physically disabled which limits outside work (read: travelling), and there is a strong moral impetus, so that does mean no illegal or immoral work; the flipside is you will get honesty and integrity. Consultancy on what I’m able and willing to do is always free and you can ask and ‘annoy’ me as many times as you like.

Skills

Disclaimer: I am neither qualified nor a credentialed professional in any field. I can be hired to give my unqualified opinion on something, however you should always seek the advice of a qualified professional in the field. This is a general disclaimer, and includes fields such as law, medicine, etc.

Creatives

Image editing — GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program), including images from scratch.

Video editing — kdenlive, example work; can produce limited types of 720p B-roll stock footage (example).

Amateur photography — example work.

Access to binaural audio recording equipment (records sounds that give a sense of 3D space).

Happy to try my hand at voice acting as well. Male British accent. Also willing to do silly sounding voices as well for comedic characters.

Programming

Python, JavaScript, Java, VBA, C++, C. Limited experience of C#, Assembly; in order of most recent to least. Working knowledge of SQL, bash, PHP, bat (I would also say ASP but I hate ASP).

Code is written in an unconventional format (ProperCase with self-descriptor naming conventions, essential comments only; mixture of functional and object-oriented): Best assigned to working out novel solutions to complex problems. The more unusual/complex, the better. Complex does not mean ‘highly technical’ (I am not an engineer), it means ‘we’ve got 24 incompatible systems and a carrier pigeon as go-between how do we fix this?’.

Can pick up other programming languages given time (any training time will need to be paid for). Will not learn intentionally obtuse languages like ‘Brainfuck’.

Linux OS user; familiar with the Ubuntu and Devuan family, working knowledge of CentOS. Do not have access to Windows or Mac OSes. Intentionally do not have access to, nor have experience with, smartphones.

Software Development/Design

De facto fullstack developer. Approach of a senior team lead but with junior dev experience. Saved numerous orgs from major screw-ups (ones with no off-site backups, no failover, orgs doing stupid things like testing on live production systems; the usual nasties).

Can build UI so simple even medical staff who hate computers enjoy using it. Follow the ‘monkey mash one button principle’ of UI design. If a monkey can’t mash one button to get through it all, it isn’t usable. Can also add advanced mode for users who hate ‘dumbed down’ features or want the precision of control.

Familiar with disability friendly approaches for colour blindness. Inspired the ‘high contrast’ CSS theming seeing prevalence as of late. No, I am not colour blind.

Happy to also beta test and break systems, or conduct reviews and point out glaring flaws. Please note basic opinionated reviews are not the same as qualified audits; I cannot certify a system for you. Chances are I will spot something.

Computer Security

Non-expert with no InfoSec qualifications, but likely know more than the average IT worker, and have caught major system vulnerabilities in organisations previously, including vulnerabilities that would have allowed an outsider to hijack a server remotely on a major clinical system and see all patient data.

Aware of social engineering attacks, physical security implications, and a wide variety of obscure and niche exfiltration data tactics discovered by researchers. No, I will not work for the NSA. Or GCHQ. No hacking work; I could not hack my way out of a paperbag and have no desire to learn.

Teaching

Happy to teach on subjects I know, to adults and children alike (example work). Will keep my political/religious/ideologue opinions to myself (if you’re wondering what the political ones are: I support Constitutional Direct Democracy and do not think party politics works). Feel free to ask about any subjects you have in mind, and I’ll be able to tell you if I can teach it or not.

Policymaking

Have the ability to draft out policies. The level of research you see in articles (such as the history between Ukraine and Russia) will go into proposals. Draft proposals are not a substitute for experience or technical expertise (EG engineers, architects, etc), but they will often leapfrog many of the technical hurdles and usual difficulties during policy review. It is often a good starting point.

Policies will be designed with an eye towards keeping costs low whilst maximising as many possible problems solved. I have submitted proposals under another identity which have either generated (for the organisation adopting them) or saved millions of pounds. Prior work was free to aid the public, but private consulting is charged for. Don’t approach looking for freebies; freebies don’t pay the bills.

The more challenging the problem, the more interesting. Be sure to detail all possible problems and issues, including the usual issues of public (mis)perception. If I can’t solve it or lack the expertise to do so, I will tell you (again, no solve, no charge).

Solving Crimes

Law enforcement (and non-law enforcement) can hire consultancy to aid solving a crime, assuming the crime isn’t related to the government trying to put tyranny on the public.

I am not a Private Investigator and cannot do conventional ‘sleuthing’ work. Instead, I use unconventional approaches involving deductions based on information involving the crime and prior knowledge of studies and other crimes (think discount Sherlock Holmes running mental simulations to give you an idea where to look). I cannot ‘finger’ a suspect for you, just expand on available data.

This isn’t me ‘chancing my arm’; have exposed national security issues (Huawei backdoors, Sizewell C China links, etc), helped orgs find dead bodies and catch the perp, and found alt prosecution approaches to charging slimy crooks who look like they’re about to walk free (EG pedos getting charged with wire fraud).

Do not approach me with ‘blackbook’ or unethical/illegal tactics, not interested. All work above board. Willing to offer a one-time test period upfront if you’re not sure on my abilities.

Other

If it is not listed here and you’re curious (or you think I might have a chance of being able to do it), feel free to approach me and ask; there’s no charge and I don’t mind. In some cases, even if I lack knowledge or a skill, I can usually pick up. For a complex domain (think full IT system) the ‘feet running on the ground’ period is usually 2 weeks.

Rejection

I may reject offered tasks, typically on personal moral grounds or out of an abundance of caution. Do not see rejection as a nix on all possible work. If I discover work is immoral mid-task, I will cease work immediately, and where possible and applicable, return funds (although funds won’t typically be accepted in advance). Depending on the severity of the suspected crime, I may also report it. Do not approach me with illegal work.

What Underdog Cannot Do

In terms of morality there are specific legal fields which invite a flat rejection, either because I am not sufficiently credentialed, or I have belief to object morally.

• Military work. I will not conspire to kill or destroy.

• Medical work. I am not medically qualified, and it is not appropriate for me to ‘gatekeep’ life saving advice by charging money.

• Religion/spirituality. It is not appropriate to charge money when a person’s soul or morality is at stake.

• Propaganda/shilling. I hold as closely to the truth as possible and will not deviate from it, for love nor money. This includes so-called ‘white propaganda’ that involves omitting inconvenient facts.

• Intel/Surveillance/Wetwork. I will not spy on my fellow members of the public, nor enable mass surveillance.

• Globalism. I will not empower the destruction of people’s quality of life, rights or living standards.

• Music. Nothing wrong with music, I do not have the right type of brain for music, and despite trying, cannot do anything musical to save my life.

• Other. I reserve the right to reject any offered task for any reason, including for no reason at all. This may include during the task, if I discover a violation of ethics above, hence why I will not accept money until after the task is complete.

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