Modern Aesop's Fables

A change of pace.

A variation on the classic Aesop’s Fables.

The Scorpions And The Frog

Two Scorpions are in a contest vying for Frog to take them across the river. Both Scorpions tell Frog that the other one is bad.

‘If you pick me, Frog’, promised the first Scorpion, ‘I won’t sting you as we cross the river’.

‘Don’t pick him, he’ll sting you in the back just as you’re halfway through!’ said the other Scorpion, ‘Pick me, and not only will I not sting you, I’ll even give you a reward!’ promised the second Scorpion.

Frog was even more unsure, and said to himself: ‘I can’t trust either of these two Scorpions, for everything they say is a lie!’

Seeing this, a third, distinctive Scorpion, joined in. Both the First and the Second Scorpion said they hated him. ‘See, I must be the best Scorpion because not only am I different, but they both hate me and they’re both liars!’

Upon that, the Frog picked the third Scorpion.

Half-way through Frog got stung in the back by the Scorpion, and started to drown.

‘Damn’, Frog thought as they both drowned in the river, ‘I should have picked one of the other scorpions’.

The Wolf And Two Sheep

Two sheep and a wolf are holding a vote on what to eat. The sheep propose grass. The wolf proposes eating the sheep.

‘You can’t eat sheep’, gloated the first Sheep, ‘we outnumber you in voting, two to one! We voted on eating grass!’

‘That is true’, replied the wolf, ‘but do any of you have sharp teeth like I do? Do any of you have sharp claws like I do? Are you prepared to use them like I am?’

Sheep were on the menu that night.

The Kid With The Small Stick

Several kids are out in the field, and find sticks. One finds a big stick, whilst another finds a small stick.

The kid with the big stick declares he is the strongest in the world. He parades around town triumphly, boasting endless of how powerful the stick is. The other kids fear him, talking how powerful he is, and crown him king.

This continues for some time, until the kid with the small stick comes out of nowhere and beats him down, attacking in a rapid flurry of strikes.

‘I don’t understand’, said the kid with the big stick as he got pummelled, ‘I had the biggest stick! Why am I losing?’

‘The size doesn’t matter. A stick is for using, not for talking’, replied the kid with the small stick, beating him into submission.

The Man Who Chose Poison

A wily Fox who had been stealing from others, approached a man offering him much gold, but only if he made a choice. The man being poor, and too afraid to kill the Fox, listened.

‘Before you is a bottle of poison’, said the Fox.

The man replied: ‘I would never drink that! It is poison!’

‘The other option’, the Fox sneerily replied, ‘is instant death’.

‘I’ll have the poison’, replied the man, ‘at least it isn’t instant death.’

The Man With The Empty Threats

An old man lived on a hill with a big cannon, threatening that he could overthrow and destroy the local town government any day he wished simply by firing his cannon at them from the hill.

At first the town were fearful of him.

Then they grew used to his threats.

Then, when they finally saw he never acted, they realised the threat was empty and killed him.

The Fox, The Dog And The Two Sheep

Fox, being wily, decides to cause division amongst the animals in order to win the vote so he might eat the sheep. Dog, being noble protector of sheep, in old age, is shortsighted and gullible, and cannot distinguish the animals easily.

Fox whispers to each Sheep: ‘The other sheep is your enemy, he is voting for you to be eaten!’. The Sheep scheme to vote against each other, in order to save themselves.

Fox, then disguising himself as a Sheep, convinces shortsighted Dog to vote for one of the Sheep, ‘for it is just a wily Fox in disguise!’. Dog jumped up and said ‘whichever sheep is the enemy, I will vote we eat them to save ourselves!’.

So they voted to eat the first Sheep. Fox then tells Dog ‘maybe the other Sheep is a Fox too’, so they vote to eat the second Sheep as well. Dog proclaimed: ‘we have defeated our enemy, the Sheep, who are foxes in disguise!’

Then, finally, the Fox killed Dog, as he was shortsighted, old of age and gullible, he was unable to defend himself.

The Man Who Hated Violence

Two men got into a quarrel, where they both issued each other death threats, day-in and day-out for years. Then one day, a third man beat the second man to death.

The first man replied how much he hated violence and what the third man did was terrible and evil.

The Man Who Loved The King

Two men were quarrelling over a recently appointed King. He had taken the place of a previous King, a tyrannical ruler, but nothing had changed.

The first man said he was just as bad as the previous King, but the second man replied: ‘I love this King! At least he isn’t the last King!’. Neither objected to the fact they were still in a monarchy.

The Silent Sheep

Several sheep see the Wolf massacring other sheep in a field.

‘Maybe we should bleat for the Sheepdog to help protect us from the wolf?’, asked one sheep.

‘No, if we bleat, the wolf might hear us and kill us next’, replied another.

So the sheep stayed silent. Even as the wolf killed them.

The Lazy Man Who Made Nothing His Problem

A lazy, immoral man walked through town seeing all sorts of acts of evil.

He saw two parents beat a child to death. The lazy man replied: ‘not my problem’.

Then, he saw two townsguard beating an innocent man to death. The lazy man replied: ‘not my problem’.

When he got into work, and a customer complained the food sold there was deadly, the lazy man replied: ‘not my problem’.

When he got home, he taught his children, friends and family to do the same thing.

At which point, the lazy man got assaulted by the corrupt townsguard. Bleeding out and begging for help so he wouldn’t die, everyone he encountered, from the customers he ignored to his own children, replied: ‘not my problem’.

The Man Who Rebelled Against The Government

A Man met a Lion in a forest, and it roared at him.

‘You can’t scare me!’ boasted the Man, ‘I’ve seen off bigger threats than you! I rebel against the government!’

‘Oh?’ asked the Lion, stroking his chin, thinking maybe the Man was formidable, ‘How have you rebelled against the government?’

The man went on to list his ways.

‘Well, first, I make sure to pay less tax’, said the man.

‘…But you still pay tax?’ asked the Lion.

‘Well, I don’t want to go to jail’ replied the man, quickly adding ‘but, I also vote.’

‘You vote… against the government?’ asked the Lion, his stomach growling.

‘No, no, I vote for the government that I want.’ the Man replied.

Sensing the man was a coward, the Lion thoughtfully asked, ‘How did you rebel then? Did you sabotage anything of the government?’

The Man replied ‘No’.

‘Did you attack anyone, in any capacity, who worked for the government?’ asked the Lion, growling and growing more impatient.

‘I once wrote a scathing remark!’ replied the Man, ‘Many scathing remarks!’

The Lion, realising the man was a coward, replied ‘You can rebel against my stomach’, and ate him at once.

The Frog And The Gun

Numerous Frogs came across a pile of guns left next to their pond by an evil man.

It was a pile of Revolvers, with many chambers.

The Frogs, being innumerate and ignorant, started playing with the guns, spinning the chambers around and pointing it at each other and themselves. They didn’t care what was inside.

Fish told them the gun was dangerous, but the Frogs persisted.

The first Frog pointed a gun towards himself, pulled the trigger, and nothing happened. ‘See?’ boasted the Frog, ‘Nothing happened to me. The gun is safe.’

The Frogs spun the chamber and each took turns pulling the trigger on themselves. They had amazing luck, with not a single Frog killing themselves for many, many spins.

The Fish complained, and said it was only by luck they weren’t killing themselves.

The first Frog, laughing, picked up the gun again, spun the chamber, and then pointed it towards himself, mocking the Fish for being a coward.

‘See, it is totally safe! Many of us Frogs have used it many times, and nothing has happened!’ said Frog, pulling the trigger, finally firing the chambered bullet into himself.

‘That’s extremely rare, it won’t happen again!’ said the other Frogs, pointing the guns at themselves.

The Customer And The Talking Gun

A customer returned to a gunshop complaining his gun didn’t work correctly.

‘What seems to be the problem?’ the shop owner enquired.

‘The gun talks endlessly about how it is going to shoot and kill people, but when I pull the trigger to defend myself, nothing happens’ the customer complained.

The shopowner rung up the till to issue the customer a refund, and tossed the gun on the pile with the others all threatening to kill him.

‘That’s a common problem these days’, he said.

The Cunning Man Who Stole From Himself

A Cunning Man and a Fox were having a competition as to who was smarter at thievery.

The Fox bragged about how many men he had stolen from, ‘many of them were the wisest in the land!’

The Man, hearing this, puffed out his chest and boasted: ‘I have stolen from the wisest man in the land! Myself!’

To prove it, he presented tax receipts. The Fox was speechless.

The Hermit Who Purchased Nothing

A Fox happened upon a Hermit.

‘I have boycotted evil’, replied the Hermit, ‘I purchased none of their goods today, yesterday, or the day before that!’

The Fox asked him, ‘Have you ever purchased evil goods?’

‘Never’, the Hermit replied.

‘Then how will they know you are boycotting them if you never bought anything from them in the first place?’. At this, the Hermit was astounded, and could not answer.

---

Found this informative?

Help inform?

Thoughts, dear reader?